The first two weeks of the new me

My last blog post about my weight loss journey was extremely emotional so I wanted to do a 2 week update.  When I wrote last week's blog, I was already a week in, but had really just changed my eating habits.  This past week I also added in walking.  On Sunday I issued myself a public (via facebook) challenge to walk 10 miles by Saturday at noon.  Now, to some of my readers I am sure that sounds like hardly anything!  But to me, 10 miles in a week is a huge accomplishment. 

I remember going on a walk with my mom when I was still in high school and her telling me that I should be able to walk a mile within 15 minutes or less.  I walked it in about 12-13 minutes and thought it was pretty easy.  So imagine my surprise when I got on a treadmill at the YMCA about 3 months after I had Montgomery and was out of breath and tired within 2 minutes.. walking at a slow speed!  My mind had every intention of killing 3 miles no problem in under an hour, but my body couldn't.  I have let that moment define my ability to exercise ever since.  I have an attitude of "I can't" simply because I don't want to be let down my body again.  

My son is now 2 years old.. I think it's time to step it up and change!

So I did it!  This week I walked 10 miles within a week's time.  The week started out pretty slow, walking a mile here and 1.25 miles there, but by Tuesday I began walking 2 miles a day! And Friday I walked 2.5 miles (after my cheat night, no less).  I ended the challenge by having a slow-paced one mile walk with my sister on Saturday morning.  I felt extremely accomplished and proud of myself.  I thought about upping the challenge to 12 miles this week, but I think I'll do another 10 mile challenge instead.  12 miles next week, though!  

What I don't want anyone to think is that I have fallen in love with exercise and eating healthy and am totally all about it.. because I in no way have!  Do I enjoy how I feel after a day of making good food choices?  Yes!  Do I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment after walking?  Totally.  What I don't enjoy is the actual walking and the actual having to make those choices.  I can honestly say that I loathe every step I take the first 10-13 minutes during my routine.  Once I get passed that, I'm usually in a better mood and start semi-enjoying it.  I also enjoy being able to put my food choices in my weight watchers app and seeing how few points I've used.  

One thing that has really helped hold me accountable and motivated me to keep going is the support I have received.  After I made my last blog public, I read countless messages of other women and men who share the same feelings and experiences I do concerning weight loss.  I can't say enough how encouraging your support is.  Please don't stop asking me about about this journey!  

Another motivator has been a walking buddy.  For now, we are meeting on Wednesday mornings and walking before our families are up for the day.  This holds me accountable to meet my walking goals, at least for Wednesday!  

My husband has also been a huge support.  He is on this journey with me, but has had to be creative with his exercise options.  He tore his Achilles' Tendon back in February and has since recovered.  However, he obviously doesn't want to over do it as his tendon is still healing.  So almost every night this week he has gone upstairs with me after M goes to bed.  I walk on our obnoxiously loud treadmill and he lifts weights while we watch tv together.  It has been a huge support and helps me more than he'll ever know!  

I only lost 1.6 this week, which is a little frustrating. I know that that is actually a pretty healthy number, but I expected higher since its only my second week on this journey.. and I want to aim high! I know some of that number had to do with what week this is for me (ladies, I know you can relate).  So my total weight loss is 5.6 pounds.  I am hoping that all of my walking really shows on the scale this week! 

So for this week, I have another 10 mile challenge and really want to push myself to walk 3 miles in a day, at least twice.  I've only done that once since I've had Montgomery and that was at a 5k... and my sister was practically dragging me across the finish line.  I KNOW I can do this!  I would really love to start noticing a difference in my clothes by Thanksgiving, which I think is doable.  Please keep praying for Ben and I on this journey and thank you so much for your support!  

-J

Pumpkin Patch 2013

It's the beginning of my favorite time of year.  September-January is most definitely my favorite for several reasons.  First, the wonderful fall weather at the beginning of the season... and everything fall!  Pumpkin spice coffee, sweaters, boots, the most adorable clothes for Montgomery, the beautiful colors and smells and the pumpkin patch! I'm sure I'll be blogging later into this season about Thanksgiving, black friday shopping and Christmas, so for now I'll just stick to the pumpkin patch!

We have an awesome place here in Robertson County called Honeysuckle Hill Farm.  It isn't only a pumpkin patch, but a full day's worth of fall fun.  Ben and I knew we were going to be taking the preteens and middle schoolers for a trip, but wanted to go ahead and take Montgomery when it was just us 3.  It was almost 90 degrees outside, but we still had a blast!

The first thing Montgomery saw was the playground that had a giant spider slide.  Unfortunately M is currently scared of slides so had interest in it, but went for the huge tires instead.

We were a little overwhelmed looking at the map trying to decide what to do next.  Thankfully, the next fun thing was right beside the playground!  Duck races!  Not real ducks, though they did have those, but plastic ducks.  The setup was a neat idea and it was easy enough that Montgomery could actually do it by himself.  He LOVED this particular activity and probably would've stayed there all day if we had let him.

We took a stop by the sand pit and tire mountain before heading to the mining station.

While I think the mining attraction was probably the least worth our money (it was $5 extra), M did enjoy playing in the water and I got a few cute pictures out of it.  After we splash-splashed in the dirty water and chased M all over the farm, we decided it was time to sit a minute, so we took a ride on the pumpkin train.  It was an adorable little "train" painted like pumpkins and pulled by a tractor.  I wish I would've gotten a picture of it!  

This was not Montgomery's favorite activity of the day! Too bumpy for his taste!

A quick stop by the BIG pumpkins for pictures and then the petting zoo, and it was time to get our pumpkins and head home.  We were exhausted, but had such a fun time.  I recommend this place to anyone!  Even if you don't have kids!  At night time, the farm closes down and they have a haunted house (which you won't find me at!) and a light show called Nights of Lights.  You can also rent a bonfire plot (which we did with our preteens) and roast marshmallows.  It truly is an awesome fall day trip!

 Yes, he was kissing the pumpkin! Isn't he adorable?! 

my biggest obstacle

I feel like this is a common theme in our lives, but we've been so busy!  At the beginning of every month I look at the calendar and think, this month is jammed-packed and we'll be on the go every week until next month.. and then next month rolls around and I think the same thing!  I think I just need to accept that our life will always be busy!

I've wanted to write this blog for the past two weeks, but honestly didn't want to make it public.  My whole life I have been an overachiever and people pleaser.  The one thing that I want more than anything to overachieve at, I haven't been able to..  at least not long term.  I have always struggled with my weight.  In my mind, it defines who I am.  I'm either on a diet or at a point where I just don't care anymore.  I've tried various weight loss schemes and joined different plans throughout my teens and early adult life.  I typically always lose something, even if its just 8-10 pounds.  But I ALWAYS have gained it back.. plus some!  

I am currently at a point in my life where I have as much determination to lose this weight as I did to finish grad school after having to take a medical leave for my pregnancy, attend classes while needing to take "pumping breaks" and writing papers while soothing a screaming baby.. pretty determined.  What's different this time?  This time, I have a 2 year old son that depends on me.  I cannot allow him to grow up watching me be a horrible example for him in the kitchen.  I can't keep avoiding fun things like the bounce house because I'm afraid I'm too heavy.  Eventually, he's going to notice that other kids' parents are jumping in.. why is my mom not?  I NEED to do this for my son.  

Another reason I need to lose this weight.. I have baby fever like crazy!  While I lost all of my pregnancy weight pretty quickly (like within 2 weeks, thanks breastfeeding!), I've gained it back.  That's right, I weigh around the same now as I did when I had Montgomery.  For those of y'all that don't know me, that last sentence was extremely embarrassing and emotional for me to type.  I haven't taken care of myself in the least little bit since Montgomery was born and I've got to change that.  Anyways, back to the baby fever thing.  My pregnancy with Montgomery was horrible the first 3 months due to Hyperemesis (you can read more about that experience a few blog posts back), but the rest of my pregnancy was fairly normal.  I was pregnant during the heat of the summer, so I got to experience heat like I've never experienced and see my feet swell to a size I never thought was possible.  Everything else was normal, though...  

Except for the fact that was considered high risk because of my weight.  Almost every.single.appointment my doctor reminded me of my weight problem and how it could affect my baby.  Towards the end of my pregnancy I wanted to scream I KNOW THAT I AM FAT!  THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW!  While it was true that I couldn't exactly lose weight on purpose at 9 months pregnant, I think she simply wanted me to be aware of the health risks I was putting myself and possibly my baby through.  

While Montgomery was born healthy and beautiful, I want to have a different experience with my next pregnancy.  I don't want to have to buy plus sized-maternity clothes or hope that people know I'm pregnant too, not just fat.  I don't want to hear at every doctor's appointment that I am putting myself and child at risk.  I don't want to avoid maternity pictures like the plague because I am disgusted with how I look.  Most importantly though, I don't want to put my body through a pregnancy while I am this unhealthy.  I have a precious two year old who is snoozing away in the next room that I have to be there for.  I can't checkout for 9 months.  I have to change if I want to have another biological baby.  And so does Ben.  We both do.  We've made excuses for way too long.  Montgomery is watching everything we do.. I don't want him to grow up thinking its okay to get to this point.  It isn't.  

I've scheduled family pictures for next weekend.  I would cancel and reschedule, but they're supposed to double for Montgomery's 2 year pictures as well.  When I scheduled them months ago I thought I'd be at least 30 pounds lighter by now.  I've lost 4 pounds.. and that was just last week.  I'm tired of making excuses!  I'm changing right now.  If anything, these pictures can serve as a reminder!  While I know that our photographer will capture beautiful images, I can't help but dread seeing what I look like in them.  

My heart yearns for a second baby.. for a sibling for Montgomery.  He deserves to experience the joys that come along with having a brother or sister!  It breaks my heart that I can't just decide that next month we will start trying.. I guess I could, but it would be totally irresponsible.  I want our children to be close in age, but I also want to be healthy.. and I think at this point that health is more important than the number of years between my children.  

While this weekend has been a bust (concert, late night hospital visit, and church bonfire), I can't let it destroy the week of work I've already put into this journey! There are going to be date nights, busy weekends, and vacations.. There are going to be holidays and birthdays.. I can't avoid fast food and sweets for the rest of my life, but I can limit them.

While I'm not comfortable sharing what my current weight is, once I've reached my first mini goal I'll post a before and after picture.   Hopefully I can keep up a pretty good weight loss pace since I have so much to lose.  Its pretty intimidating and disheartening when I think about how far I need to go.. but I can only take it one day at a time.  And while I probably will not reach my overall goal before  we decide to try for a second baby, I know I will at least be halfway there!  Prayers are needed and appreciated!

-J